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The Gift of Forgiveness

12/18/2014

"I'm not sitting across from her", I can remember her saying quietly, as she stood at the Christmas Dinner table. Recognizing the need to be comfortable, she quickly shifted her position so she wasn't forced to "look her in the eye", throughout the meal. Breathing a sigh of relief, she relaxed as did everyone else.

Aaah the family Christmas Dinner. We can laugh at this scenario because - let's be real - we've all been there. It's the place we not only gather for a great meal, it's the place that unresolved conflicts seem to rear their lovely and not-so-pretty heads. Tension and stress often builds, well in advance, as we do our best to be "civil" to one another. How sad I often think, that the very relationships that are meant to support and elevate us, often bring us down. Holding our spirits captive and deprived of joy, not only at Christmas, but throughout our lives.

Knowing this is something we have all faced and will face, what if we were to create a new tradition by giving the gift of forgiveness to ourselves and others?

The Gift of Forgiveness

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Will you Give the Homeless a Home in your Heart this Christmas?

12/16/2014

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Will you Give the Homeless a Home in your Heart this Christmas?

I can remember our encounter like it was yesterday. He looked up at me timidly, afraid to look me in the eye. In a trembling voice he asked, "Spare any change, ma'am?" I responded, "I'm sorry Sir, I wish I could, but unfortunately I don't have any with me today." Smiling he said, "that's ok your acknowledgement is payment enough." With tears in my eyes, I walked away somewhat humbled by the gift he had given me. I made a mental note "to always carry some change" just in case I would see him or others in the same predicament, again.

During the Holiday Season, as we run from one place to another, we will pass people like this man. Cold and hungry, they will persist in their request for change, asking one person after another. Many will walk by, some will reach into their pockets and a precious few, will reach into their hearts. Those who fall into the latter category will be giving the gift of acknowledgement - that priceless gift that is wrapped up in kindness and tied with dignity.

We have many leadership lessons to learn from people who are presently homeless, not the least of which is humility. Here are a few more worth sharing:

1. Be compassionate:

We must remember to not judge the homeless as "less than" or condemn them for being on the streets. There are stories upon stories of people whose lives were changed in an instant, by tragedy. People like the former executive of Shell Oil who's wife and daughters were killed in a car accident. People who through adversity and/or substance abuse, landed there. People who were just one paycheque away from losing their jobs and did. All of them with one thing in common, their humanity. Let's remember that, for one day it could be you.

2. Preserve their dignity:

Though we've all heard stories about people who do choose to live on the streets, far too often mental illness re-located them there. With current stats of 1 out of 4 people suffering from mental illness, it's not surprising that those without a support system end up being homeless. We must strive to do our very best as human beings, to preserve their dignity and to treat them with respect. Those who do will be doubly rewarded.

3. Remember, there are great teachers and leaders amongst us:

Closer to home, my Uncle was once an English teacher who taught at a very prestigious private boys school in Toronto. After a series of difficult life circumstances, mental illness and hard times, he ended up on the street. He went on to create Poetry Canada Review, a newspaper of the heart reporting on what really matters. It was also the first newspaper where Canadian poets could post and share their work. He also published three poetry books and won several international awards. Sometimes people must hit rock bottom before their gifts are discovered and they can then rise.

And so, as we move forward with our gift buying, let's remember to have an open and humble heart. Let's remember that every one is somebody's child. Let's give of ourselves by taking the time to acknowledge those less fortunate than ourselves. Let's reach into our hearts and show others that they matter and in turn, honour our fellow man. If we do, we will not only lift their spirits we will elevate our own, not only at Christmas, but always.

And then perhaps the next time someone asks us to: "spare any change?", we can take pride in knowing that we were in fact, the change. Fellow leaders amongst us.

Lead with compassion. Make a difference. Leave a legacy.

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Leadership Presence: Do you Qualify?

12/9/2014

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Leadership Presence: Do You Qualify?

We’ve all met someone with presence. When they speak people listen. When they walk into a room, heads turn. When talking to others, they have the unique ability to make people feel comfortable and at ease. People like them, employees want to work for them and employers want to hire and keep them. So can anyone develop it? We believe they can, however, there are two pre-requisites: the first is a sense of self and the second is a little wardrobe space.

Here are a few more tips that may also help:

1. Let your values speak. Who you are speaks through your character and is demonstrated through your actions. There is a big difference between knowing your values and living them. Know thyself and act and live, with integrity.

2. Develop a winning strategy. Be other focused and seek out ways that you can help others achieve their goals. Great leaders care about others and strive to help them succeed and win. Celebrate your team’s victories – especially the little ones and then give them credit for yours.

3.Be humble. Seek feedback and ask questions that demonstrate your humility. ie. Where can I improve as a leader? What do I need to do to help you improve your results? What frustrates you most about me? Now for many, the last question may elicit a long answer, however, great leaders remain a work-in-progress and laugh at themselves as they progress.

4. Be an active listener. The best leaders listen way more than they speak. Poor listening skills is the number one complaint people have about their bosses. Lean forward, turn off your phone, eliminate distractions, acknowledge others through positive facial expressions and be present. Ask more questions and wait for the answers. You’ll improve your results and your relationships.

5. Project your self-worth. How you present yourself speak volumes about who you are and how you see yourself. It’s also a statement about your level of self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth. Be well-groomed – from head to toe, smile, maintain good eye contact, develop a strong handshake, stand tall and walk with your shoulders back. You will energize those around you and command respect.

6. Become a great speaker and storyteller. To really stand out, ensure your speeches/presentations have a strong opening, middle and end. To open strongly, find quotes that summarize the heart of your message – your audience will be enraptured and compelled to listen. Don’t be afraid to use funny and personal anecdotes to illustrate your points. It’s the easiest way to establish rapport, build a sense of community and importantly, show your audience that you are a real human being!

7. Strengthen your vocal image. How you say something is four times more important than what you say. Speak with clarity and strive for short sentences. Adjust the volume, speed and tone of your voice - you will move into sympathetic resonance with your audience and build instant rapport. And remember, to engage people’s minds, you must first touch their hearts. Choose words that inspire, excite and motivate others to not only listen, but to act on your words.

8. Remember people’s names. Everyone loves to hear the sound of their own name and it also makes others feel special and shows that you care. If you want to raise the anti – strive to remember their spouses’/partners’/children’s names – it will go a long way to building and strengthening relationships.

9. Be accountable for your losses. Life is not always about winning. By acknowledging and taking responsibility for your losses or mistakes, you will demonstrate your vulnerability and gain the respect of your colleagues. Create an environment both at home and at work, where admitting a mistake is not seen as the end of the world, but rather an opportunity to learn and grow.

10. Strive for balance. Balance is not something you simply fit in when you have some down time. It’s what fuels you and the organization and it’s what gives meaning and purpose to your life. Make time to integrate your values into your life – you will feel great about who you are and inspire others to follow your lead.

In closing, remember that the whole person is a sum of all the parts. When you lead from within, you will carry yourself with dignity. When you do the right thing, you will walk with your head held high. When you take a genuine interest in others, others will take a genuine interest in you. When you live your life in alignment with your values, you will exude confidence. And finally, when you feel good about who you are you will shine from within and in turn, illuminate those around you. And then people will call you a leader and someone with presence.

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The Gift of Forgiveness

The Gift of Forgiveness

Will you Give the Homeless a Home in your Heart this Christmas?

Will you Give the Homeless a Home in your Heart this Christmas?

Leadership Presence: Do you Qualify?

Kimberley Richardson

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